Hmm, how to start this one.... how about this: I always find day 2 of anything difficult. day 1 always seems a bit brighter, the newness of anything has a little more zip and nervousness and sensuality, where day 2 tends to be a dance between "should I repeat, or look for something new" etc.... the pitfalls become more apparent, the adrenalin wears off, and the real work begins..

(more...)

I got there a little early, listened back to the audio part of the equation, and felt satisfied that we had made progress. as you can see by the photos [see notes], we are definitely over-mic-ing this, to make sure we don't end up as we have in the past with limited options. I was pleased with what I heard, which gave me more confidence. I warmed up for a while, which may have not been a good idea because when everybody came in and I started playing what has become the official song that is the sacrificial lamb for warming up me with said crowd (poorly titled 'cease to be'), I could not play (!) the song correctly because my right hand felt tired and unable to play the complex repetitive picking patterns.... this of course is humiliating because I am supposed to be able to do what I do.... after a few attempts at that, we were off to a bad start.... the energy in the room felt different today as well.... maybe everyone there had been on the internet and came with their own set of expectations and or disappointments (I don't know) but somehow, even though they were sitting 4 feet from me, the crowd felt more distant. no one's fault, for sure, just one of those days.

I took a break, and decided to play "prairie song," which is a lot easier to play technically. I got myself into the right space, started, and was on a roll emotionally when one of the camera operators shifted in his seat, making a huge squeak that filled the room. I had to stop because it ruined the take. I started over, upset, and started messing up again and again.... I would make it about 45 seconds in and then ! mess up.... I started having a meltdown....

i.e., "this is a bad idea and I want to leave and go read a book under a tree" meltdown.... we took another break. finally, I came out and nailed a really beautiful take of the song, and things got a lot better. I did a really long song called "the world's fair," which went well, but after had to make one poor kid leave because he was trying to suppress his cough and I could see him doing it and was sure it was going to ruin the take.

lots of insecurity to battle thru, with the constant feeling that something is going to go wrong. a fan asked me out loud whether having people there was contributing, and I said honestly I wasn't sure, that when it was working it was definitely helping, but it seems to be hurting in equal measure.... to finish, I did versions of "black irish," "white city," and "columbus," which was marred by a dump truck rumbling by and somebody's boot squeaking and some indiscriminate honking... ugh!!!! :) all in all, an ok day....

the bottom line: if I am going to make this experiment work, I am going to have to show up in the small windows of silence and energy as it presents itself.... this is definitely the energetic of complete and total awareness RIGHT NOW, not 5 minutes now, RIGHT F?+#&*= NOW!!!! Thanks again for readin' this.... bc

(p.s. I would like to, at the proper 'moment,' talk some about lyrics.... maybe after the concert has been performed [see mini-concert] I can put them all up and spend some time there...?)