TSP Media - Billy Blog; April 16 and 17, 2004

Day 5 and 6 were worth waiting for.... to try to sum it all up in one simple go, some barrier needed to be broken down in order for the best part of what I was trying to do rise to the top.... hmmm, sounds a bit cliché, so I will try to break down the basic elements: me, the fans, the environment, the music, the art of recording, and time!!

we can start with ME: I went into this unsure of what I was attempting to accomplish. i know from a personal point of view I am ready to be finished with these songs. from a psychological perspective, there comes a time to move on into something else and that time honestly has come and gone. in some ways this has been a desperate attempt to finish this work, so there is a lot of selfishness in asking the fans to be a part of raising the energy in the room and to get me off my rear end (to practice, re-learn songs, etc.).

after the first few days of having my picture taken about 200 times a day and being asked personal questions and not having the courage to lose my temper (except once! :) in front of those I don't know so well and on and on (guitar in tune, out of tune??), I started to feel imprisoned by another one of my grandiose schemes.... I really love these songs, and I see them as a gift I have made for a city that I love so much, and I want them to be incredible because that's what my hometown has given to me.... so for me there is a sense of responsibility, too....

ok, enough about me (extra credit ME: pisces, temperamental, intuitive, easily bored, childlike, likes sunshine, sports, playing hooky.... ok, really enough about me!). element 2, THE FANS. to describe my core fan base is not an easy thing to do, as they tend to be individual type souls who don't look or act the same way.... they come from different generations, are highly opinionated, well read, and very passionate about music.... from what the fans said, they were not sure what to expect. they were extremely appreciative of the opportunity to see me work so closely, and many expressed that to me personally. that certainly helped with my confidence, because the nature of the sessions required them to sit uncomfortably silent for up to 10 minutes at a time.... considering that over 200 people watched for 6 days, and there were only a few small issues, I would say that is the absolute height of co-operation.... and, best as I could tell, everyone really did like what they were hearing. their feedback built confidence over the course the sessions....

THE ENVIRONMENT: the sessions, as I may have mentioned before, were held in a space that used to be a church. there aren't any elements left that reveal that, beyond its basic two-story architecture and an overlooking balcony. i wouldn't say the space felt holy, but it felt like a place for people to meet.... dmitri, the owner, was extremely gracious in making his home our home, and that made everyone comfortable. dmitri is a photographer, so he was shooting as well. the mood in there is one of creativity, and that helped. sonically, the space was a bit washy, it was sometimes difficult to hear the low notes of the guitar....

THE MUSIC: well, what else can I add? I played approximately 17 songs over the 6 days, fumbling in whatever direction seemed to suit the moment, never having a plan.... not once did I think that one of the "chicago" songs didn't belong. the sessions re-confirmed my faith in these songs, and going into the concert [see mini-concert] I feel I know them better. on some songs, my singing cadences began to move around a little bit more, sliding off the basic beats that some of them have, which was surprising.... the songs also showed me that these "simple" folk songs have the power to be just as heavy, if not more heavy, than any demonstrative rock band. they truly are an instrument for constant and ever-changing expression....

THE ART OF RECORDING: because of the fact that the mics were completely cranked up, no one could move, not even me.... my fingerpicking technique does not allow me to play that loudly, and I don't like the sound of a DI plugged in acoustic guitar, so we opted for good old mics thru good old pre-amps. bjorn did a great job of taking some chances on the way we recorded, and I think it's gonna pay off.... in our parlance, we are covered, because we have a stereo overhead, 2 guitar mikes, one vocal, and one overall mono mic that can stand alone as the only source (which is similar to what we had done before)....

TIME: having a set amount of time allows one to pace.... i didn't have to get everything accomplished in the first 2 days, but I knew if I was ever gonna step up it was gonna have to be in the last 2.... there is also the element of knowing if I don't get this work right in my eyes now, I may have to wait a long time before I could re-approach it, like 7+ years.... i refused to let this work overcome me, and I battled it out of love and respect.... plus I ain't getting any younger!

so how do all these elements add up into the breakthru I'm talking about? You have a chance everyday in your life, to be happy, to love or not to love, to try or to give up.... what I did without fully being conscious of it is I positioned myself, over the course of the 6 days, to make a decision.... i wrestled with those options, of whether or not I really cared about all of it, the fans, the scrutiny, the gossip, the vulnerability, the exposure, the songs, the money, my relationship to my work, my sense of duty, and in those last 2 days I finally gave in and said "if it's gonna kill me let it kill me now" and put my whole heart and soul into it....

it made me tired, I could barely get out of bed the next morning because I was so fatigued.... but I made the decision, somewhere inside, to really go for it.... in my mind, it's glory or complete wipeout, and something about the fans and the time and the capital invested and the bragging put me into a moment of great clarity, to choose or not to choose, and I chose to go thru the door and see what was on the other side.... bc