Past Billy Corgan Journal Entries
Date: Thursday, February 26 @ 00:07:16 MST
Topic: Blog

, its been almost 4 years since I went on my friend tami's radio show and announced that the pumpkins were breaking up...that day, when she asked why we were breaking up, I said something silly like 'I'm tired of fighting britney blah blah'...and it went on to be widely quoted, as if I was breaking up my love, my band, because of some pop star...13 years of my life, and you know, let's pack it in cause their teeth are whiter...by saying that, I was seen as someone who was crying foul, taking his ball, and going home...which was sad cause it wans't true at all...The truth of the matter is is that james iha broke up the smashing pumpkins...not me, not jimmy, but james...did it help that d'arcy was fired for being a mean spirited drug addict, who refused to get help? No, that didn't help keep the band together, not at all...it made it very hard to go on, but we soldier! ed thru it even though our hearts were broken...But d'arcy didn't break up the band, we didn't let her...and jimmy didn't want to break up the band, not at that time...and I would have gone on forever...the smashing pumpkins were essentially my entire life...a dream I still believe in...many friends at that time suggested letting james leave, so jimmy and I could continue on under the name...but I was too loyal to the man I had started the whole thing with, and I protected him until the very end...right up until the last show on dec 2, 2000, when he thanked d'arcy on stage, but not the 2 men standing next to him...and I was loyal until he left the metro without even saying goodbye, or an 'its been great boys!', or a simple 'I love you' to us...no, james iha left the metro that night without saying goodbye to the 2 people he had won and lost and traveled the world with...so I won't be protecting him anymore...and I won't be protecting a whole lot of other people anymore...not because I don't love them (I do!!) but because ! I love myself too...I want to say one more thing, and that is I appreciate you reading this...+I want to remind you that I love you...God has given me the strength to say that to you, and I hope that you don't hide who you are...does it make me sad that I have hid myself all these years? No, it was what I had to do to survive, or at least what I 'thought' I needed to do...but surviving is not enough...we all deserve to flourish, and to know happiness and joy...that is my new dream...the smashing pumpkins gave me that, and I am eternally grateful...especially to those that shared in the dream with me...even if you bought just one cd, or came to a show, you gave us that chance...we thank you for that...even if we don't always know how to show it...be well!! William

02.13.04

 Happy valentines day for all you lovers out there, whether jilted, broken hearted, or just plain happy, I hope you get to spend valentines day with someone you love... Things are going really, really well here as we are starting to find what it is we are getting around to sorta, yes, it's gonna be good and I like it and that's all that matters, right? RIGHT!! might is right, a'int it?? And I might just put this out one day, but maybe only in bali....of course, I look forward to your thoughts and comments about all things as soon as I get my brand new email address...sure, YOU can have it, just don't share it with anyone, I like my privacy these days...um, what else?? Am looking forward to seeing the reformed urge overkill play here in chicago at the double door...a great, great band at a venue that's perfect for a rock and roll show...i handed in my poetry book today, so it's now basically all done give or take a few word changes here and there and maybe even sneak in a poem or 2 at the last second as is my custom...the book is coming out on the faber and faber imprint of farrar, straus, and giroux...check out their website here (fsgbooks.com)...we haven't set a firm date yet, but I think it will be some time after september or so...we are just now getting the artwork for the cover together as well...so, as always, lots to do, but it is a good busy as it is all for things I am really enjoying being faithfully engaged in...a couple of my friends have responded that they like what they see of the website so far...this is just the beginning stages, as we are working on a new kind of post forum, and an expanded musical/download feature...we shall see...maybe there won't even be a music business in 6 months, and all us musician types will be back playing on streetcorners...not that there is anything wrong with a streetcorner, mind you...i've played on a few myself, ya know, waiting for the bus...c ya b

02.06.04

 Happy Friday!!! how is everybody doing?...feeling lazy today (actually everyday, come to think of it)...things are going really well here in the studio, as we are just getting some traction under us regarding the sound and approach of the material... I say material because there still really aren't any songs, more just bits and pieces that point to something new... I've changed the way I am composing to try to manifest a different set of emotions and find a wider palette of colours from which to choose from... I'm sure this sounds somewhat esoteric, and it's meant to be!!... I'm never again making the happy mistake of joking about what I'm doing musically...ahh, the good old days of sentimental mishaps...a little bit now on the dvd of acoustic songs that is planned for winter 2004...we have tentatively scheduled 6 days of recording in a non-recording studio atmosphere...although those plans are still tentative, we have set aside 2 weeks in april to make this all happen...what will be novel is that we plan on having an invited audience attend the recording sessions... I have not yet decided about how we will go about who gets invited, but I would like to make it possible, thru some sort of lottery or other method , to open the sessions up to some fans who might like to come...as soon as we get this finalized, we can begin the process of inviting...the only downside is that it will be very, very small, with probably only around 120 people total able to attend...luckily for prospective attendees, I don't have many friends...just after the week of recording, I hope to do a single concert which would be filmed as well...the dvd would then be a compilation of material from the hideout, acoustic sessions already recorded, poetry from the art institute benefit, the 6 days in april, and the one concert date...that way I can get these songs, particularly the one's about chicago, out of my body/being...that's all for now, keep your head up---william p. corgan

02.03.04

1 (that's me), 2 (feb), 3 (today is... , 4 (obviously the 4 corners of the known universe!)...working away in le studio, bon is here and we gotta all sorts of science gear hooked up and it soundz good and fresh to my ears (minus the 4k hearing loss in the right one, mind you)...haven't really started writing songs much yet, more just experimenting with some new approaches to rock and roll...but still got some tricks up yonder sleeve...6 more weeks of winter!! alright, but spring is gonna be great, especially here in chi-town where the entire place lurches to life all at once...is it just me, or have we almost reached a critical mass on staged media events...what's next?? (insert cynical pop culture comment here OR better yet some quote about the end of civilization as we know it from socrates)...yours truly got a blurb on (pwtorch.com )in regards made to comments about pro wrasslin' made here on bc.com recently...check 'em out...the pro wrestling torch is where I get most of my insider wrestling gossip, but ya know, I got my sources too...i'm looking forward to the ring of honor show that's coming to chicago on april 24 (I think?), their first running of this groundbreaking promotion in the windy city...check out their site at (rohwrestling.com) if you have interest in attending...i will most definitely be there!...me and roh's rob feinstein go way back, when I tried busting him for selling smashing pumpkins bootlegs on his website...not much more to say than life is good, and you are loved..speak soon bc

01.30.04

Mother Mary saved my life. No, this is not a typographical error, so I will say it again just to be sure...Mother Mary saved my life. That is why the Zwan album was titled Mary, Star of the Sea (http://www.keywestcatholicparish.org). I was asked the question many times during interviews about how the album came to be named, and I only partially answered the question. What I usually said, which 'was' true, is that when zwan was rehearsing in key west, florida during the winter of 2001, I used to go and hang out at this church called Mary Star of the Sea. What I didn't say is that off to the side was a grotto of the Virgin Mary that I used to go and pray at to find some clarity and solace. I asked Mother Mary there to help me change the direction of my life, my negative attitudes, and to heal my broken heart. I promised Mary that in tribute to her, I would name the album in her honor, and thereby honor the place when I found comfort in hours of need. Now, some may scoff at the notion that Mary, the mother of! Jesus, saved my life, or changed my life at all. Anyone could opine that it is all in my mind. So let me say this. I have received probably 2,000 letters in the last 12 years where strangers have told me that I saved their lives. Many have said that at the time they were writing the letter, they had recently been contemplating suicide, and that my music had helped them to find the courage to not do such a horrible thing. Other letters would be about whether the person could find the strength to get out of bed, to face another day of their often unhappy life. They would say that a particular lyric, or something I had said in an interview, had reminded them of their own dreams. Now did I actually come into their room? Did I hold their hand to keep them from jumping out a window, or from cutting their arms, or from throwing up their dinner so they wouldn't gain weight, or keep them from taking drugs? The answer is no, I didn't. I was not there for them like their parents, or h!usband, or wife, or best friend. But I did help save their life.

01.28.04

My friends...I live in such a bubble that I was sort of shocked when some of what I said about putting out a new record, solo tra la, was written up, like this one at (nme.com) I was like whoa, I guess I should have talked about the dvd I'm working on, plus the novel, and don't forget the barbecue sauce, the baggy clothes line, the perfume, the t-shirts I'm designing, and my upcoming appearence on "america's top model"(my new 'I am going to hell for watching this' show show)...darn, I'm really bad at this media process ...but I am learning so much observing our goofy political process...poor howard dean, he had it all going on there with the pundits, could do no wrong until these 2 primaries...isn't it amazing that the defining issue of who the democratic nominee will be isn't the issues (you know, like, pollution, rights for immigrants, the loss of our civil liberties) but rather who has the best chance to beat george walker, texas ranger...who is more electable? Just th!ink what that really means?? Our country needs a lot of love, that's all I'm trying to say...sorry about that tangent...another article I saw (thanks, now back to me! said that I wasn't on a label!!! *Ahem* I am proud to be a 'warner brothers music artist', thank you, very proud...not only will this rock and roll record be on said label, but we are also discussing putting out a dvd that would have an entirely different body of music as well (acoustic based, totally different songs), with both set for release by the end of this year/go bc!!! And on a personal note, can I say I love those I love very, very much, and it is your love that keeps me strong..I can promise everyone I know that I am gonna make you proud this year+show you that I am worth the trouble...music IS my love...I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for the power of sound and song...coming soon: rambling on about God, the Creator, Heavenly Spirit, and Mother Mary!!! WPC

01.26.04

 Happy Monday! we are working today, but honestly I am not feeling motivated...a little blue actually as the weather here in chicago has been cold and miserable and we are all prisoners of this wonderful, but vengeful city...happy to report that bon harris, my friend and much respected pioneer of all things that go blip is coming in in a few days to help work on the album...i'm very excited about the possibility of bon contributing without some of the restrictions to form that I have asked of him in the past...for those of you who are not familiar with bon's glorious past, he was one of the 2 founding members of the band NITZER EBB, whose most famous track "join in the chant" is a dance floor classic... This week, when there is more time, I want to let you in a bit more on a group of songs I have been working on for awhile now...they are all acoustic based, and we are finalizing the details for some more recording and a show or shows, so stay tuned for that... Did anyone watch the WWE pay per view last night? It is no secret I am a big fan of professional wrestling, and I look forward to every ppv like all the other marks in the world...anyway, another great showing by shawn michaels who always puts on a stellar performance when called upon...the brock-holly angle ended with a thud unfortunately, as I think brock lezzzznnnaarrrr is a future great star in the tradition of the old school guys I grew up with...but the best sight of the night was the return of the hardcore legend mick foley to enact his revenge on rising star randy orton....mick is my all time favourite modern wrestler, and I am happy to see him fit and trim in anticipation of his return to a big match at wrestlemania...go mick!!! one more thought...if you are a fan of wrestling, check out the weekly ppv's of nwa-tna on Wednesday nights...it's the rival promotion ot wwe, and features some of the former stars of wwe and wcw as well many young, rising stars that wrestle more of a type future high flying style....i'm happy that tna brought back my man jerry lynn, as he is one of the best wrestlers I have ever seen....plus jerry likes death metal, so he can't be all bad! stay warm wherever you are bc

01.23.04

 Well, I've been writing these posts here, happily hopping along, without realizing that we didn't have the technical stuff together to put them up...but I am used to talking and no one hearing my funny inner banter so I suppose this is similar hop hop That being said, and the email smiley face aside things are moving along, as I try to find something new in the sounds of love and harmony gone awry..alright!!! blah blah, I'm fasting so I'm beyond hungry and oh yeah, slightly buzzed too!! a natural high, the only one worth going on about...you know, rocky mountain high, Colorado.... God bless you, thanks for listening!!! Psss. 9 more days until I have to submit my poetry for the book.... I don't have a title yet, any suggestions??? How about "sensitive rhymes and crimes of the heart" or some shit like that...ha! welcome to the real me.... bc

01.19.04

 Back at work today after taking sunday off to watch football ALL DAY!!! Is that a good thing? I'm not sure...did manage to cram a game of chess in there somewhere. Today is our 4th day (I'm counting), and we are still in the whatthef---amidoing phase. When I say we, I mean me and my co-pilot bjorn...bjorn has seen me thru some times. Falling apart on adore, trying to put the pieces together on machina, trying to get by on mary my star, so what will it be this time? Maybe he gets to listen to me just be...sounds easy, right? I can't pay him enough pad thai to watch me struggle, though...the good news in this mild confusion is I am starting over from such a fresh perspective that there is nothing to rely on but my good name. I am being honest when I say I am ready for that and love the challenge and relish the mustard. So I come in with no songs but maybe one or 2, no lyrics, no band (but a few santa's helpers lined up), and no dairy...food is the theme always. Wish me luck on! all this poetry please...for the religious, please pray because I need some help to step up and take these words (over there in the dust pile) to another level beyond rhyming 'insane' and 'brain'. I pray everyday for good things to happen everywhere to all people. Maybe out there somewhere some good cheer can echo back...and help me get this done...then, just maybe, I can write some new jams happy monday b

01.17.04

 Hi...We started a few days ago (the 15th) to get it together for my first solo album...some would argue that it's not my first, and I won't argue with you there! (just kidding!!!)...anyway, I am excited to work on this music, because for the first time in my life it will be my tunes with no compromises to anyone or anything...it's gonna be loud and beautiful and poetic and dumb, just the way I like it...unfortunately today we are having computer problems with the "slow-tools", a common malady to all futurists!!! also lately I have been getting up early to finish editing stuff for my poetry book, all of which I have to submit by the end of this month...speaking of words, i would like to thank everyone who came to my one and only poetry reading for being with me on a special nite, especially those who traveled long distances...it never ceases to impress me how dedicated some fans are... you humble me So you see, lots of firsts upcoming and in progress, including billy.com which according to THE MAN should be up soon...there's lots to talk about in the days and months and years ahead..so keep me in mind. With warmest regards wpc