Hmm, how to start this one.... how about this: I
always find day 2 of anything difficult. day 1 always seems a bit brighter, the
newness of anything has a little more zip and nervousness and sensuality, where
day 2 tends to be a dance between "should I repeat, or look for something new"
etc.... the pitfalls become more apparent, the adrenalin wears off, and the real
work begins..
(more...)
I got there a little early, listened back to the audio part of the equation, and
felt satisfied that we had made progress. as you can see by the photos [see
notes], we are definitely over-mic-ing this, to make sure we don't end up as
we have in the past with limited options. I was pleased with what I heard, which
gave me more confidence. I warmed up for a while, which may have not been a good
idea because when everybody came in and I started playing what has become the
official song that is the sacrificial lamb for warming up me with said crowd
(poorly titled 'cease to be'), I could not play (!) the song correctly because
my right hand felt tired and unable to play the complex repetitive picking
patterns.... this of course is humiliating because I am supposed to be able to
do what I do.... after a few attempts at that, we were off to a bad start....
the energy in the room felt different today as well.... maybe everyone there had
been on the internet and came with their own set of expectations and or
disappointments (I don't know) but somehow, even though they were sitting 4 feet
from me, the crowd felt more distant. no one's fault, for sure, just one of
those days.
I took a break, and decided to play "prairie song," which is a lot easier to
play technically. I got myself into the right space, started, and was on a roll
emotionally when one of the camera operators shifted in his seat, making a huge
squeak that filled the room. I had to stop because it ruined the take. I started
over, upset, and started messing up again and again.... I would make it about 45
seconds in and then ! mess up.... I started having a meltdown....
i.e., "this is a bad idea and I want to leave and go read a book under a tree"
meltdown.... we took another break. finally, I came out and nailed a really
beautiful take of the song, and things got a lot better. I did a really long
song called "the world's fair," which went well, but after had to make one poor
kid leave because he was trying to suppress his cough and I could see him doing
it and was sure it was going to ruin the take.
lots of insecurity to battle thru, with the constant feeling that something is
going to go wrong. a fan asked me out loud whether having people there was
contributing, and I said honestly I wasn't sure, that when it was working it was
definitely helping, but it seems to be hurting in equal measure.... to finish, I
did versions of "black irish," "white city," and "columbus," which was marred by
a dump truck rumbling by and somebody's boot squeaking and some indiscriminate
honking... ugh!!!! :) all in all, an ok day....
the bottom line: if I am going to make this experiment work, I am going to have
to show up in the small windows of silence and energy as it presents itself....
this is definitely the energetic of complete and total awareness RIGHT NOW,
not 5 minutes now, RIGHT F?+#&*= NOW!!!! Thanks again for readin' this.... bc
(p.s. I would like to, at the proper 'moment,' talk some about lyrics.... maybe
after the concert has been performed [see
mini-concert] I can put them all up and spend some time there...?)
